Asbestos And Football

^^Old football pads made with asbestos

… What You “Need” To Know

Here on the Colorado Front Range, autumn is in the air.  The leaves are beginning to turn, those wood fire aromas fill the brisk fall air, and you can get football on the boob tube almost every night.

(Sorry, Tuesday.)

But, speaking of things filling the brisk fall air, one thing you don’t want in your brisk fall air is airborne asbestos.

Now, many people ‘round these parts might wonder what asbestos has to do with football.  That’s because, if you want the attention of many people ‘round these parts, you better tie your subject in with football, and especially with the beloved Broncos.

So here are the main things you need to know about asbestos, especially airborne asbestos, and football, especially Bronco football.

1. Asbestos became popular due to its ability to keep things from bursting into flame.  Back in the day, many things were made from asbestos because of this, even including blankets – so idiots who smoke in bed would have a lower chance of bursting into flame.
   1. After a great pre-season, the Broncos have lost two games they should have won.  Their defense still seems able to keep opposing teams cooled-off, but we’re still waiting for the Denver offense to burst into flame.

1. Asbestos is basically a rock, and an ugly rock at that.  That’s why it has flame-retardant properties.  But it’s flaky.  When it gets busted up, it breaks into microscopic shards that can impale themselves in your lungs and cause diseases such as mesothelioma, which has no cure.
   1. Again, Denver’s defense is pretty rock-solid, but when it busts up, it too can be ugly. And at times, the offense’s running game puts up numbers which are downright microscopic.

(Think I’m reaching a bit here?  Hang on.)

1.  Some people think asbestos is illegal.  Those people probably still smoke in bed.  No, asbestos is still legal.  You can’t mine or manufacture things with asbestos in this country, but it’s still perfectly legal to import the ugly stuff, so tons of it arrive on our shores every year.
   1. Know what’s illegal?  In football, the list includes holding, pass interference, “illegal man downfield” (please), and even the now-famous penalty “leaping.”  The Broncos are flagged for these illegalities regularly.  Sometimes, they’ve actually committed them.

1. Asbestos is microscopic.  You can’t see, hear, taste, feel, or smell it.
   1. The Broncos offense is not microscopic, but sometimes it’s hard to SEE them winning enough games to go to the playoffs, or HEAR pundits say good things about them, or get the bad TASTE of their losses out of your mouth, or FEEL any sympathy for the coaches.  They do kinda SMELL, though.

1. Asbestos does not have to ruin your life.  If you suspect you might have airborne asbestos at your place, caused by a small house fire, or a basement flood, or a bad DIY project – anything that might’ve disturbed the asbestos in your building materials – we can fix the problem.
   1. Like asbestos, the Broncos do not have to ruin your life.  You could get a hobby.  You could maybe take a second job.  And maybe – just maybe – they will fix their problems and you could rejoin their season in progress later, when they might smell better

GO Broncos!  And if you’re worried about asbestos, GO to the phone and give us a call.  The highly-trained, deeply-experienced, and distractingly-attractive pros at Asbestos Abatement, Inc. will stay at it until the air in your place is asbestos free.  And then all you’ll have to worry about is the next penalty-laden Bronco game.