Baby New Year Is Here!
… And He Wants You And Your Family Safe From Asbestos
Once upon a time, incurable and deadly mesothelioma was really not much of a thing. That’s because, once upon a time, airborne asbestos – which is a major cause of mesothelioma – was not much of a thing.
What happened was, as far as you know, and we’re really only making up some of this, was this: Baby New Year arrived on New Year’s Eve, like always, and found the Old Man Old Year burned to a crisp in his bed where he’d been smoking a holiday cigar and fell asleep.
This was disturbing, to say the least, and everyone demanded a solution that would prevent this from ever happening again. One guy in the back quietly suggested that people be warned not to smoke in bed (and, in fact, not to smoke at all)… but that guy was a nerd, even back then, and nobody listened to him.
The popular fellow from Marketing suggested that blankets – and, in fact, many other things – be made of this nifty stuff they’d discovered called asbestos. “It’s flame retardant!” exclaimed the popular fellow. “It’s plentiful, it’s cheap, and we can use it to make all kinds of products!”
Baby New Year nodded his approval, and the race to mine asbestos and manufacture things with it was on.
A few more Baby New Years later, people started succumbing to mesothelioma at previously-unheard-of rates, and again, everyone demanded a solution. It was the nerd in the back who suggested asbestos was the culprit.
“It’s basically an ugly rock,” said the nerd. “When it’s in its solid manufactured state, it isn’t dangerous. But when it gets disturbed, by something as simple as a small house fire or a flood in the basement, it breaks into microscopic shards which float around in the air and can impale themselves in your lungs.”
At first, no one wanted to listen to the nerdy guy. Not even the latest Baby New Year. But there was a politician in the room who understood the political possibilities of this discovery, and he launched a campaign to outlaw nerds.
Just kidding. He launched a campaign to outlaw asbestos.
This almost worked, until one of the cool dudes in Marketing suggested that the entire economy would collapse without asbestos products, which were still cheap to make, and his lobbying campaign worked.
Ever since, it’s still illegal to mine asbestos and manufacture things with it in the United States, but it’s perfectly legal to import the nasty stuff, and tons of it arrive on our shores with every Baby New Year.
What does this mean for you, you ask? It’s this, and we’re not making any of this up: asbestos is still all around us, even today, in everything from the ceiling tiles at the office to your talcum-containing makeup (again, not making this up). So there’s still a risk.
Prolonged exposure to microscopic airborne asbestos can lead to mesothelioma, or other types of lung disease which are equally deadly and incurable.
The solution? You don’t need Baby New Year or any nerdy person to tell you this: if you suspect you might have airborne asbestos in your place, you should have your air professionally tested and, if there’s a problem, have it solved by experts who know how to scrub your air until it’s asbestos free.
At Asbestos Abatement, Inc., we know how to get rid of airborne asbestos. We don’t do the testing – that would be a conflict of interest – but we can refer you to a reputable tester. And if you have those ugly shards floating around in your air, we can get rid of them. You, your family, and every coming Baby New Year can then breathe easy! And that’s our holiday wish for you, this year, and every year.
