How Yummy Is Asbestos?

Mmm… Asbestos Has No Flavor.  But You’d Hate It Anyway

The one question we get here at Asbestos Abatement, Inc. all the time is: “How does your entire staff cultivate such superior industry knowledge and expertise?  It’s unusual in people so disarmingly attractive.”

Well, blush, I don’t think we need to get into our proprietary business secrets, and all that, especially since that one time.  Heh heh.  But we have learned a great deal about the evils of asbestos and the cutting-edge techniques for keeping those evils far away from you, our cherished customers.

On the other hand, here’s a question we rarely get, and actually have never heard from someone over the age of four: “What does asbestos taste like?”

If you or your toddlers are thinking of enjoying a hearty asbestos dish, in the name of all that is holy, please do not do so.

Asbestos is poison.

Is Asbestos Really All That Dangerous?

Yes.  But only if it’s disturbed.

I don’t mean “disturbed” in the sense of a person over the age of four who’s seriously wondering what asbestos tastes like.  (Acknowledged: Persons under the age of four generally wonder what everything tastes like, so their growing curiosity can be understood, if not always excused.)

No, “disturbed” in this sense refers to asbestos products which have been broken down from their original, solid, manufactured state.

See, there’s asbestos all around us.  Sure, it was illegal for about a hot minute, many years ago… and while it’s still illegal to manufacture products with asbestos in the U.S., it’s perfectly legal (and perfectly evil) to import the stuff.  And boy, do we ever!  Many tons of asbestos arrive in the U.S. every year.

So while your asbestos-laden flooring, or ceiling tiles, or pipe insulation, or wall board, or jewelry (yes, jewelry!) is not dangerous, if something happens to alter its state, it’s not just dangerous.  It’s deadly.

For instance, all it takes is a basement flood or a house fire – even a small one of either – to break your asbestos into sharp little microscopic shards which invade your lungs and, well, cause diseases like mesothelioma for which there are no cures.

So imagine: If you were going to find out what asbestos tastes like, you’d have to reduce it to a tasteable state, and that could very well be the last bout of curiosity from which you’d ever suffer.

Okay: You Can’t Taste Asbestos.  Thank Goodness.

These microscopic assassins can’t be seen, felt, heard, smelled, OR tasted.

Asbestos has no “taste.”

But if it did, here’s a partial list of the things that would probably be more pleasing to your palate than a heapin’ helpin’ of asbestos particles:

• Leftovers from any military mess hall
• Used motor oil
• Your aunt’s special-recipe “Mountain Dew lasagna”
• Spoiled milk
• Gravel from your dog’s favorite spot in the yard
• Hair coloring
• Hair, for that matter
• Asphalt (the old kind), and
• Anything that comes out of your four-year-old.

If I were you, I wouldn’t actually try tasting ANY of those things.  But I’m not your mother.

Bottom line: You can’t taste asbestos.  And that’s a blessing.

You can’t taste or smell or see airborne asbestos, but it can still kill you and your family.  Even your four-year-old, who admittedly does seem indestructible.  So the thing to do is to have your property expertly tested, and if there’s a problem, have the asbestos thoroughly abated.  That’s what all your neighbors – people of the best character and the finest taste – are doing to protect themselves.  Join us!