That Funny Odor You Smell?

… It Ain’t Asbestos

This episode of Airborne Asbestos Is Microscopic comes from an epic customer saga from just a few weeks ago.  And while this episode is fictitious, meaning made-up, meaning not real (any resemblance to real episodes is purely coincidental), it’s still quite “realistic,” at least in places.

Our customer – we’ll call him Melvin (though his real name is Bob) – called to report that he was straight-up certain he had deadly, cancer-causing asbestos floating around in his air.

“What makes you say that?” we asked.

“It’s obvious!” Melvin said.  “I can smell it!”

(Since Airborne Asbestos Is Microscopic, and it can’t be detected by any of the five physical human senses – unless you count clairvoyance, which you shouldn’t count – we had our doubts about Melvin’s claim.)

(But we wanted to humor him.)

“Well, what kind of smell are you experiencing?”

“A very FUNNY smell!” he said.

We patiently explained a couple of things to Melvin:

• First, there’s nothing funny about asbestos.  Nothing at all.  Sure, these episodes of Airborne Asbestos Is Microscopic are thought by many to be witty and entertaining, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that airborne asbestos itself is no laughing matter.

 

• Why’s that, you ask?  Well, prolonged exposure to microscopic airborne asbestos particles has been proven to cause certain incurable cancers, such as mesothelioma and asbestosis.

 

• How’s that, you ask?  When solid asbestos (which is basically a rock) is “disturbed” by anything as simple as a small house fire, a plumbing problem in the basement, or a DIY project gone horribly awry, it breaks into microscopic shards which, over time, embed themselves in your lungs.

 

• Also, there’s a boat-load of asbestos in this country.  Several boat-loads, in fact.  It’s not illegal to import products made from (or containing) asbestos, so tons of the ugly stuff arrive on our shores every year.  Ceiling and floor tiles, pipe insulation, some wall boards, even your teenage daughter’s fake jewelry might be made from asbestos.

 

• In fact, lots of MAKEUP actually contains asbestos!  Talcum is another rock which is mined right next to asbestos, so the ugly cancer-causing rock ends up in powdered makeup made with talc.  And since it’s powdered, it’s already “disturbed,” and ready to inhale.

 

• Finally, Melvin, there are some odors people describe as “funny,” though they might actually be misusing that word:
  • Unlaundered socks
  • Trash
  • Some of your recycling
  • Toddlers
  • The fridge, sometimes
  • The bathroom, sometimes
  • Dogs
  • Many humans you meet
  • Ranch dressing
  • The list goes on.

 

“So whatever that funny odor is, Melvin, we’re pretty sure it isn’t asbestos.  Airborne Asbestos Is Microscopic, and you can’t smell, taste, feel, hear, or see the stuff in your air.”

“Oh,” he said.

“Come to think of it,” Melvin continued, “it might be my socks.  I’m wearing them every day until the Rockies win their twentieth game.”

We advised Melvin to launder those socks (it could take another two months, maybe longer, for the Rockies to win twenty).  We also told him to call us any time he, or anyone he knew, had a reasonable fear that they might have airborne asbestos.

Yes, Airborne Asbestos IS Microscopic, but there’s nothing funny about it.  It doesn’t look, sound, feel, taste, or smell funny, because it isn’t detectable by our senses at all.  That makes it sneaky-bad!  But never fear – if you have airborne asbestos trying to dig its way into your lungs, give your friends at Asbestos Abatement, Inc. a call.  We can’t tell you what you’re smelling, but we can sure solve your asbestos problem!