What’s So Scary About Airborne Asbestos?
… It’s Probably Those Microscopic Shards O’Death
Vampires are scary. But not as scary as airborne asbestos.
That said, vampires are scary. I have a friend whose mom loved the old vampire soap opera Dark Shadows, and who, at the age of 9, used to sleep with a cardboard cross around his neck so Barnabus Collins wouldn’t be able to suck his blood and elongate his canines while he slept.
Ghosts can be pretty scary, too. (But not as scary as airborne asbestos.) Some of the otherworldly entities in Ghostbusters weren’t too bad… but Gozer? The Gozerian? That was one scary girl. Or guy. Or whatever.
Zombies? Gargoyles? Goblins? Spectral hounds? Clowns? (Okay, not all clowns.) Centuries-old witches? Tribbles gone bad? Monsters from outer space? All very scary.
But not as scary as airborne asbestos.
Why is airborne asbestos even more scary than all of these very-scary things? Because, unlike these spooky entities, with the exception of some clowns, airborne asbestos is real.
And asbestos itself is all around you.
Maybe you’re of an age when you’ve heard the old Halloween radio shows, where a horrible monster is described, and then the announcer says “It’s in your town! It’s in your neighborhood! It’s coming up your block! Wait! What is that, right outside your door?!”
Well, there wasn’t really a horrible monster out there in your town, in your ‘hood, on your block, or outside your door. But asbestos IS out there, and right inside your home. Possibly even right inside that radio you’re listening to!
Companies started making stuff with asbestos years ago, because asbestos is flame-retardant. It’s basically a rock, so they made everything from ceiling tiles to pipe insulation with the stuff. They even made electric blankets with asbestos, so people (knuckleheads) who smoked in bed were safer.
When scientists discovered that asbestos causes incurable cancers, an effort was made to ban it. You still can’t mine or manufacture things in the U.S. with asbestos, but it’s still perfectly legal to import asbestos-laden products, so that’s why it really is all around you.
But you don’t have to freak out. Asbestos isn’t dangerous in its solid, manufactured form. It’s only when asbestos-containing products are disturbed that the rock breaks up into tiny microscopic airborne shards which can, over time, impale themselves in your lungs and cause mesothelioma and other incurable diseases.
But if you have a little fire at your house – even a small, easily contained fire – something could burn which would release asbestos particles into your air.
Or, suppose your pipes burst this winter, and the pipe insulation, floor tiles, ceiling tiles, or other asbestos-containing materials get soaked. Then they dry out, break up, and AUGGH! Airborne asbestos!
At that point, you can freak out. Because you can’t see, hear, feel, taste, or smell those shards o’death, so you really wouldn’t know if the scariest of real monsters – airborne asbestos – is all around you!
But you don’t have to live in fear. Get your place professionally tested. We don’t do the testing ourselves – it’s a conflict of interest – but we can recommend an expert tester who will confirm either that you have a scary problem, or that you don’t.
If you do, you can call your friends at Asbestos Abatement, Inc., and we’ll arrive with our space-suit-like outfits and state-of-the-art technology, and we’ll keep at it until your air is asbestos free.
If you have vampires, ghosts, or evil clowns at your place, we can’t help you. But if you have a problem with airborne asbestos, we will be there for you! We’ll drive a stake through the heart of this very-real monster, metaphorically speaking, giving you the treat of peace-of-mind. That’s no trick!
